When ideas fail, words come in very handy (Goethe)

I don’t really like what I’m doing and I can’t tell anyone I’m doing it. Not allowed to. Strictly forbidden. I wish I could. I also wish I could do something else, but it’s too late. I missed my last opportunity when I was 49 years and 364 days old. Had my chance then but didn’t take it. Not that anyone bothered to tell me about it. Yesterday I went to my manager and she laughed out loud, puffing away at her cigarette: ‘bit too late, ‘ain’t it love; had to think of it earlier.

Earlier indeed, I was only 50 years and 7 days old. What’s the deal? Why am I doomed to do the same thing over and over again? It wasn’t making any sense to me.   I decided to go to Amy’s and spill the beans. I can tell her what I do, she’s my best friend. It wouldn’t harm anyone if she knew what I’ve been doing for the last ten years. At least I’ll get her support and who knows maybe she’ll have a clue as to how to get out of it. I reached her coffee shop in 2 minutes. She greeted me warmly, but gave me a suspicious look.

How come you’re here on a Monday? Not used to seeing you on a week day.

Just wanted to chat with you. Listen, you know that I…..

Chat? About what? She turned her head shouting at her new waiter to hurry up; customers were waiting for their menu.

What were you saying? She frowned.

It’s about my job… work…what I do… I’ve never talked about it but I’m….

Don’t! I really don’t want to know!

Why not Amy; you’re my best friend?

I know, that’s exactly why! It’ll ruin our friendship!

Ruin it? That’s what friends are for, isn’t it?

No it is not.

What???

Friends are there for you to cry your heart out when your lover’s been cheating on you, your boss fired you, you haven’t paid your bills, or worst of all you can’t get into last year’s pair of jeans. Not for listening to your stuff! 

I couldn’t take it any more. I felt dizzy and held my head so the world would stop spinning around me. Seconds later, when the dizziness passed I was about to just say it - but couldn’t.  I was afraid of losing our “friendship” forever.

Because…. Amy began slowly.

Because what? I snapped!

You look so desperate you’ll expect me to save you.

So????

So that’s a little way over my head. I have enough on my hands as it is.

‘Nicole how many times do I have to tell you to clean the tables immediately after the customer leaves????? Can’t you see we are short of tables today? Use your head if you have one’, she added quietly. 

Feeling very strange and more so lonely, my occupation saga seemed even more unfit for me. I had a wild guess that Amy knew about my job, she just didn’t want to hear it said out loud. So what if my job is to distribute customers among all the cafés in the neighborhood? I walked out of Amy’s café which was gradually getting crowded (well I haven’t been idle all morning) and went back to my headquarters, where a long queue of impatient coffee addicts was waiting for my return from my coffee break. Can’t take it, the coffee, I’m a tea person myself.